“Anger is a normal emotion, and if you don’t deal with it, it settles down and compresses and then flies off and explodes in an ugly, nasty way,” she says. “Anger has no place in the workplace, but anger has a place.”
Anger can be used to your advantage, but only if you express it in the right way.
First, hold yourself and decide how you want to express your anger. If you feel out of control and are so angry that you can’t see or speak directly, Abrams suggests closing your mouth and taking a deep breath. She calls it “keeping calm.”
“I’ve taught kids something I call ‘Dinosaur It Out,'” she says. “Turn your nails in the palm of your hand and squeeze hard. You become like a tiny prick that’s enough to make your nervous system think, ‘There’s something else going on here.’ It breaks the anger-anger cycle. Obviously being out of control is scary to other people, especially when it’s someone above the power structure who can’t control themselves. ,
Next, ask yourself, “What results do I hope to achieve?” Then design your approach backwards to be strategic about the results you want to achieve.
consider the receiver
When you express anger, Abrams says you have to speak with the ears that are listening to you. The way you express anger is often based on how you were raised. For example, if you grew up in a family where anger and conflict were okay and people were comfortable shouting, you may be the one who raises their voice when angry. But if you grew up in a quiet, quiet home, that type of expression may distract you.
“One person might say, ‘This is terrible. You’re invading my space. And another person might say, ‘I’m just emotional, trusting my feelings,'” Abrams says. “If you’re talking to someone who yells, it’s instinctive for them to yell. If you’re talking to someone who is quiet, yelling will turn them off.”
Abram compares anger to vomiting. Sometimes you have to throw up, but you should look for the trash so you don’t vomit in the middle of it all.
“You have a moral and ethical obligation to watch what you’re vomiting,” she says. “If you have people who are sneaky, injured, or uncomfortable with it, it’s irresponsible to vent your anger. Choose how to express that anger. We have the gas pedal. You drive 90 to the school area Wouldn’t, and you wouldn’t drive 20 on the highway. Moderate your behavior to the speed limit of the environment.”
share your feelings the right way
Anger can be a strategic tool, says Abrams. “It’s great to meet people and make workplaces enjoyable, but good doesn’t mean policy changes or implementing new things,” she says. “It is true that the squeaky wheel gets oil, but it is also the first wheel to be replaced. You can be a squeaky wheel to get the oil, but don’t squeal so much that you are about to be replaced too.”
It’s more powerful if you can find allies, so it’s not only you who are angry. “You will be marginalized if you are single, but if you can find other people who are angry, you can make allies,” Abrams says. “It will be taken more seriously.”
To express your anger, says Abrams, tell it instead of acting it out. There’s nothing wrong with saying “I’m really angry,” or “This is driving me crazy.”
“You are expressing your feelings, and you have a right to express anger,” Abrams says. “It depends on the situation, who you’re talking to and how angry you are. But you still have to control yourself.”
For example, you might say, “I’m very angry. This policy is wrong. It’s going to affect and hurt a lot of people. ,
“This statement requires someone to listen to you and have a conversation with you,” says Abrams. “You’re not scary, and you’re not giving them away. You’ve raised your anger as an issue that needs to be dealt with. It’s the other person’s responsibility to ask why or find out if they can help you.” Maybe they don’t agree with you, but that’s the normal speed limit.”