I Don’t Blame Charlie Sheen for Being Upset About His Daughter on OnlyFans — But That’s Part of the Problem

Realizing that your kids are doing something you don’t want is a nightmare for any parent.

Oh, when Charlie Sheen learns that his 18-year-old daughter, Sam “Sami” Sheen, has joined OnlyFans — a platform known for hosting seemingly candid material — I am well aware of his horror. I can imagine (though I know there will be) those who disagree with me; Those who believe that OnlyFans is empowering for women, that it is “just a job” like any other. We must listen to those women and fight to keep them safe – even if we personally do not agree with this argument )

I can only speak about my reaction as a mother. I have a 10 year old daughter who is growing up fast (so fast!) yet still sleeps with her favorite doll. She knows about sex, periods, LGBT+ relationships, racism, sexism, politics, the refugee crisis – a lot of social issues I believe help her grow into a round and tolerant young woman. need to know about. is already being built.

I’ve talked to her about porn and tried to warn her about staying safe online – told her about the insidious effects she doesn’t quite understand yet (she even has her phone with her) Isn’t): The unbearable pressure that is placed on girls older than her to share nude, be skinny, participate in endless competitive selfie wars on platforms like Instagram.

She’s banned from using YouTube and I don’t let her watch shows like Love Island, because I want to try to avoid the message that you have to be a thin and pretty stick to love.

So yes, I have some sympathy with Sheen — who reacted with remarkable anger and dismay after discovering that her daughter shared a photo of herself in a swimsuit on Monday (June 13). Words: “Click on the link in my bio if you’d like to see more.”

If I had found out that my little girl (and let’s face it, Sami may be 18, but she’s still Sheen’s “little girl”), I would have hit the roof, like she did. did. up to one level.

You see, the problem is that while we can understand his shock and upset, Sheen, who is 56, did something (in my mind) unforgivable – he blamed his ex-wife.

He said that Sami is living with his mother Denise Richards. The Two and a Half Men actor told Page Six: “She’s 18 now and living with her mom. It didn’t happen under my roof.”

He continued: “I don’t condone it, but since I am unable to stop it, I urged them to keep it classy, ​​constructive and not sacrifice their integrity.”

Richards, who has two daughters with the actor – Sami and Lola Rose, 17 – meanwhile told the publication: “Sami is 18 years old, and the decision was not based on whose house she lived in. Parents As I can only guide. Trust her and her judgement, but she makes her own choices.”

Listen, listen: I’d be equally shocked if my daughter joined a pay-to-view site known for porn, but Richards is right – we can’t control our kids.

All we can do is present an open and loving relationship in which they feel able to ask questions and tell us what they are doing without secrecy and shame. We can hope that by encouraging clear communication, without judgment or punishment, we can help them see how many options they have.

We can encourage them to act in ways that reflect their incredible value; Keeping self-respect and self-respect at the top of our agenda. To think about the future.

If, in doing all this, they still choose to join OnlyFans? This will happen. I’m with Richards – we’re here to guide him, not control him. Let them know that we are here to pick up the pieces, and trust that we have given them the tools to make good choices.

But in doing what Sheen did, blaming his mother – and in doing so, placing the full weight of moral guardianship and emotional care at her feet – Sheen has, in my opinion, proved himself to be part of the problem.

“Under My Roof” – Has there ever been a one and only source of blame and shame directed (no wonder) at a woman? What about his father’s responsibility? Does he end up on the road, when his daughters go to sleep at their mother’s house? The fact that his daughters don’t live with him 24/7 is arguably irrelevant. He can still go on, pick up the phone and immerse himself in his life – and his life choices.

Moral implications and talking openly about sex and online harm to your kids, helping them build self-esteem and self-esteem (and pointing out issues of personal safety) – that’s the responsibility of both parents, regardless Whether you live with your children or not.

Instead, Sheen seems to imply that those important parenting skills should be left to women, a story as old as time. Just this morning, a school friend sent a tweet to our WhatsApp group, which read: “Men make the mundane decision-making of outsourcing to women and cause ‘decision fatigue’ – meanwhile they need to secure their brains for work.” get to keep.” Along with the tweet, my friend wrote: “Does anyone else get this?” And the rest of us replied: “A lot!”

Sheen’s response also reminds me of my favorite feminist comic strip—the “gender war of household chores”—which highlights the very real issue most women understand: the majority of “emotional labor” being a (mainly heterosexual). ) relationship or domestic situation.

French comedian Emma illustrates the concept of this type of “mental load” (when a man asks his partner to do things, because he sees her as the manager of household chores) to a T.

Sheen deserves to be upset. But she should also be encouraged to talk to her daughter about it – to show care and concern, to explain why she’s worried about her. He shouldn’t use his judgment as an excuse to blame women, and should expect them to do most of the parenting.